Funny Things Kids Say
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant.Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt. Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew.Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
A Sunday sermon this Mom will probably never forget.... 'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment her very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to her and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four-year-old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
The Apple Of My Eye
My son just bought his first Apple computer. What a set-up. Everything is built into the ultra
thin monitor including the processor and a camera.
One day I was in the back of the house doing some cleaning and when I came back up front I discovered my 8 year old grand daughter, Bella, filming a video of herself dancing to music in her bikini on top of the breakfast table.
It was all very innocent but thank God she doesn't have an email account!...Or a website.
A Virginia teacher presented each child in her class with the first half of a well-known proverb, a different adage to each child, asking that they complete the adage at home. The following were among the replies she received. No, Mel Brooks didn't help these kids with their homework.
1. Don't change horses . . . until they stop running.
2. Strike while the . . . bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before . . . Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate . . . the power of termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but . . . How?
6. Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.
7. No news is . . . impossible
8. A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new . . . math.
10. If you lie down with dogs . . . you'll stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust . . . me.
12. The pen is mightier than the . . . pigs.
13. An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's . . . pollution.
15. Happy the bride who . . . gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is . . . not much.
17. Two's company, three's . . . the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what . . . you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and . . . you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as . . . Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you . . . see in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand . . . is going to poop on you.
26. Better late than . . . Pregnant
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